Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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