He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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