Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
