so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
