did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my being single is dangerous.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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