it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
