Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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