I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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