It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
