I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
