It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
