not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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