I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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