FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
