I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
