Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
