you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize