I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
