U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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