Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
