If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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