just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
