So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Randomize
