dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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