I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
