In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
