All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
