I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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