OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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