yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
