thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
