he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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