I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
