Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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