I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
