I hate all girls vehemently.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
