I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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