you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just high enough for therapy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
