Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Farmville is her only friend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
