I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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