I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
