It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
