Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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