good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
