I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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