She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize