Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
