I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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