she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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