What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
