I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
