party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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