pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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