I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
