i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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