I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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