Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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