what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
