You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
