Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
