Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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