Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
