Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
