just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cannot find my penis.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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