We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
