Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
