do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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