Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
