I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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