I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
